31 Down, A Lifetime To Go

The day has come. It is the end of my chronicled journey.

On the first of this month, I began this 31-day journey of capturing a month's worth of mindfulness experiences, reflections, and resources that have played a role in the development of my personal, professional, and academic life. These experiences ranged from times of silent meditation, YouTube videos, and various other media sources that became intertwined with the 44,640 minutes in the month of July 2011.

So what did I learn?

1) Mindfulness DOES have an impact on one's physical well-being
As I've engaged with the practices of mindfulness and meditation over the month, I found a slight difference in my overall physical state. This month in particular has been extremely stressful. This may be due to a combination of an altered work schedule, increased work demands, and heat, but my body took a significant beating, but was able to remain strong. Mindfulness practice provided me with tools necessary for ongoing evaluation of my state of being (body scan), and helped to institute moments of recovery and stress management (STOP). Without them, I may have crumbled under the pressure of everything taking place.

2) Calm, Ambient Music is key to my process of going deeper
I made several attempts throughout the course of the month to go longer in my meditation time frames (40+ minutes). I had made several efforts at it in silence, but had major difficulties with either falling asleep or becoming overly distracted by my thoughts. During the occasions that I utilized video/audio guidance, I was able to maintain a clearer conscious by incorporating a background stimuli to block out extraneous noises that would prompt the mind into questioning and exploration. Audio without guidance proved to be more beneficial than that with guidance as it allowed me to form my own personal guidance deep into the present moment of mindfulness. Ambient music and soft instrumental tones were the best.

3) Mindfulness is everywhere
It seemed that everywhere I turned, read, walked, breathed... the term "mindfulness" was present. At the very start of the month, I walked into a Barnes and Noble in the Clarendon area to make a quick scan of the psychology section for a book I'd been looking for. Though I didn't find the title I was looking for, I did come away with a count of 37 different titles using mindfulness as a basis of their work. Mindfulness is everywhere! It's presence in clinical research and studies is also growing, and has been an ever-present tool in the practices of substance abuse treatment, psychiatry, medical treatment, and family therapy.

4) Mindfulness will aid stress management, but won't eradicate it instantaneously
For whatever reason, I expected to have a significantly lower rate of stress during the course of the month. Although I did experience some reduced tendencies of stress related reactions in situations (i.e. traffic, sudden changes), my overall level of stress may have increased slightly over the month. My practice over the month revealed a great deal about my physiological reactions to stress, and I can say that I grew more in my level of acceptance of those moments, and in reducing the number of "2nd Darts" that I would allow myself to be impaled with. The amount of stress in my life during the past 31-days was a roller-coaster, but weren't as frightening, surprising, and painful as those of past month. Much of that was related to being aware of my body's reactions to the moments of rising stress.

5) Lovingkindness Meditation is a necessary prescription
I found myself returning to lovingkindness meditation on almost a daily basis for a sense of safety, health, and compassion. It was amazing to see how much my mind and body relaxed following 5-minutes of meditation. Although the scripts of recitation may have altered from time to time, the overall feeling of acceptance of myself was what mattered the most.

Although 31 days was all that I committed to reflect upon through this blog, my journey of mindfulness practice will continue onward. I learned a great deal about myself over the past 4-weeks and learned even more lessons than those conveyed above. As I now prepare to enter into work with the CFS in less than 3 weeks, I believe that I have included a vital trade that will not only be an asset to share with others during the course of therapy, it will be vital in the daily maintenance of my own life.

For that, I will be ever grateful.

"Life is Right Now" - Jon Kabat-Zinn

"Living in the moment is most difficult in the midst of life transitions. We are defined by our past, and yet we are heavily motivated by our future. The present is solely the bookmark or blank page before the next chapter in the story of life. It seems like there's nothing significant about it when we solely see it as a blank page, but it's necessary in the formation of a storyline. We have the option to either keep it blank or to color it with the images and experiences of the here and now."

This was a reflection that I had several years ago while in college during my senior year. The questions about "What are your plans?" and "What are your best memories of college?" were beginning to fly around. It became a struggle to enjoy the time remaining and absorb those moments in great detail. I wrote these words as a sort of confession of my feelings during those days.

After watching Zinn's video (above), it is amazing to think that we can rewire our brains to a form that can enhance our overall well-being and clarity of mind simply through the act of paying attention in the here and now. And the action of this clarity moves beyond the gray matter, but throughout the entire body. It's something that becomes a part of who we are, and a part of our essence.

Probably the biggest challenge that Zinn offers in the video is the concept that we have come to know ourselves as "Homo sapien sapien," that we are "aware that we are aware." Zinn challenges that notion, and I agree. I am an example of one who is unaware of their awareness. There have been countless times when I've done something without being aware of what I'm doing or the times when I've driven somewhere without realizing how I got there. I would consider myself a fairly attentive person, but not necessarily aware of all things. It's a challenge.

As I am now at the end of my chronicled mindfulness journey, I know that I am now challenged with allowing myself to engage and be engaged with the present in order to live. There's been too much of my life that I've missed because of being either focused on the past or the future. As I prepare to step into a new academic year, these are the days to begin a deeper journey of awareness and wellness. I believe that as I take the moments to be in the presence of my ever unfolding experiences, I will be enriched by them all, and gain clarity that will lead into future "present" experiences.

Nintendo Wii for Mindfulness?

I found this article this morning and found it extremely interesting.
You know it must be serious when Deepak Chopra is involved.

Article is below, but also check out the CNN Page.

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Deepak Chopra: How video games and tech can reduce stress

By John Gaudiosi, Special to CNN July 28, 2011 7:41 a.m. EDT | Filed under: Gaming & Gadgets

(CNN) -- For many people, video games conjure adrenalized scenes of gunning down enemy fighters or steering race cars at thumb-blistering speeds.

But mind-body guru Deepak Chopra has another idea: a serene, peaceful game he says can help people relieve stress and achieve inner harmony.

Chopra has spent the past three years designing "Leela," an interactive experience that aims to teach gamers how to achieve a peaceful and focused state of being using the ancient system of "chakras." The game, from publisher THQ and developer Curious Pictures, debuts in November and is marketed as "a journey into the self."

Created for Microsoft's Kinect system for Xbox 360 and Nintendo's Wii console, "Leela" -- it means "play" in Sanskrit -- incorporates 43 interactive exercises that focus on the body's seven energy centers, using Chopra's spiritual teachings and philosophies.

Gameplay focuses on moving one's body to interact with on-screen imagery, which is set to a relaxing soundtrack. Those who play with Kinect will use their arms, legs, hips, and head to perform meditative tasks, while Wii players will use the hand-held controller.

Some examples: One "root chakra" activity challenges players to move their hips from side to side to rotate cracks in a barren planet and unleash rain and sunlight. Another focuses on the "third-eye chakra" and requires gamers to rotate their head to follow a colored path through the game screen. As their head moves, so does the screen.

There are no scores kept in the game and players don't have to complete a level before moving from one challenge to the next. Chopra just wants people to interact with the game, whose themes correlates with his teachings.

In an interview for CNN, the bestselling author and alternative-medicine expert talks about the role video games will play in his work and how new technologies are enabling him to further enhance the mind-body experience.

What was it about video games as an art form that attracted you?

Video games are addictive and we all live in an addictive society. People are addicted to their BlackBerries. People are addicted to their computer. And kids -- and pretty clever adults, women included -- are addicted to video games, the ones that play them.

So I wanted to explore how you can use games to not only have a good time, but to increase that experience of flow and actually maximize your physical and mental capacity.

How did you create the gameplay experience that people will have in "Leela"?

I went to [developer] Curious Pictures in New York and I saw what they were doing in the movie industry, and they had some interest in video games. We had many brainstorming sessions. I used to go and see them almost every week, and we've done that for 2½ years. We spent that time seeing how we could make the game meaningful, but also playful. That's how we came up with the name Leela, which literally means "play."

What would you like to next explore in the interactive space?

I would like to take the video game to the next evolutionary level. In this particular video game, "Leela," we have monitoring of breath as one of the game experiences.

We have 43 games altogether, but there's one that gives you feedback on your breath. And that's the first time it's been done. It's required a lot of technology, and a lot of glitches had to be removed, but I think the next frontier is measuring heart rate variability, which is the most sensitive indicator of stress. It measures your parasympathetic to sympathetic nervous system response.

So that's coming soon, I'm sure. Galvanic skin resistance is coming soon, as well. And the best will be when we can monitor brain waves in a game.

What role do you see technology playing in helping people to improve their mental well-being?

I think the way technology is moving right now, we could probably, with a little deeper understanding, accelerate the evolution of the human brain within a few months [to equal] what might take hundreds of years of biological evolution.

Now, that's a very strange statement when you hear it for the first time. But the way technology is expanding right now, we're getting a better understanding of how experience shapes the anatomy of the brain, as well as all the neurons and neuroplasticity.

There's also genetic indeterminism, which means your genes turn on and off based on your life experiences, and all the work being done in quantum psychology. They're talking about things like you know how your emotions, your relationships, your sense of achievement, and your purpose of meaning in your daily life -- all this actually influences the way your body functions.

Technology is a new frontier, and I'm totally interested in being part of this movement.

Chopra on science, spirituality and superheroes

What are your thoughts on the evolution of technology within video games, as Wii has opened up motion-sensor gaming to Kinect for Xbox 360 and PlayStation Move?

I think it's great. You couldn't have hoped for such a fast evolution in the video game industry. There's so much room for creativity.

Did you play video games at all growing up?

I did not. I did become very interested in playing as you develop these games. I played "Flow," "Flower" and "Child of Eden," which are all interesting games that show what can be done creatively in this space.

What are your thoughts on the role video games play today in society?

We know that video games are more popular than motion pictures, so there's something happening. I think because they're interactive and they are much more fun than being a passive observer, we're going to see games evolve even more moving forward.

What's your favorite gadget?

I use a gizmo every night that monitors not only my brain waves, it monitors my dreams, it tells me how many hours I was in deep sleep and dream sleep. It records how many times I woke up, what the quality of my sleep was, the demographic I fall into, my age. All of this is already available.

What's that device called?

It's called Zeo. So you can go to Zeo.com. And you wear a little headband, and from about 5 to 10 feet away it can measure your brain waves.

What are you most excited about when it comes to the role technology will play in our future?

The way technology moves, it's doubling in its capacity every year. A long time ago I talked to Peter Guber, who used to be head of Columbia Pictures, and I was playing around with the idea of directing your dreams. Sometimes people have the most amazing dreams.

If you could not only learn to watch your dreams, but you could see that you can influence them and choreograph them and become the director and screenwriter of that, the implications would be amazing.

And if there was a video game to do that, "Wow, we would have a completely new way of storytelling." I want to be able to do that in a video game, but we'll see.

Mindfulness Articles: Psychology Today

I guess you can consider this a cop-out of doing a full posting and reflection today, but I feel that I need to address my level of compassion fatigue (see yesterday), and take some time out of the meditation practice for a day. The clean start for the final few days of this month-long journey may be for the best.

I did, however, want to post three articles from Psychology Today that I think are great examples of the usefulness of mindfulness. You can access each article by clicking on the title.

"Getting Grounded in Your Work Day: 5 Senses in 5 Minutes" by Brad Waters

"Forgive Yourself" by Rick Hanson

"6 Benefits of Practicing Mindfulness Outside of Meditation" by Toni Bernhard

Enjoy!

Compassion Fatigue

I'm tired, exhausted,wasted, worn-out, lacking, depleted, and downright exasperated.

I have nothing left to give.

I am empty.

These are some of the word/phrases that best illustrate the current state of my compassion externally and internally. Externally, it's been a rough two weeks of work. The compassion that I did have has been given out and returned in bad shape. The good graces that I offered to my clients at work took advantage of those moments, and let me down. My gusto to continue to give it out is severely wounded, and I have found myself loathing the necessity of getting out of bed.
This external compassion fatigue, I believe, is more common for those working in the social services field, relief and development, or in those who have given excessively toward recovery efforts (s.a. Hurricane Katrina, Haiti Earthquake, Japanese Quake/Tsunami). For those individuals, the use of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction are tools that have been found to help in the recovery process for such individuals experiencing this form of "trauma." (See here and here for a couple articles on the application of MBSR w/ Compassion Fatigue).

But what about internal compassion fatigue?
What if I'm fatigued with giving compassion to myself?

In an earlier post, I confessed to how I've consistently been tough on myself for the things that I do and the way that I live. As I've been trying to live now with the incorporation of lovingkindness meditation into the mix of my daily life, I've come to a few points where I haven't wanted to give compassion to myself. Instead, I've wanted to feel bad and inflict "suffering" onto myself because I've wanted to be in the moment, and be upset at others and myself. I want to have my own "pity party," and I want to feel sympathy from others.

I felt as if I hit my breaking point today with all aspects of compassion when I got in the car shaking from the work day. I was so overwhelmed and upset about events in the day that even the STOP technique wasn't helping me to gain perspective in the day. I had no compassion for anyone at that point, and no compassion for myself. I just wanted to feel bad in a way that would make (for some reason) the experience of being discontent more legit. Thinking about it a few hours later, I don't feel that it was good logic.

I guess my big question(s) that I'm working through right now is: "Does mindfulness allow for these moments of declining compassion to oneself? Are there times where personal suffering is considered excusable?"

I guess in a way, one can give compassion to themselves by saying that there is no "No Suffering" rule to create such a stringent approach. In a way, allowing oneself to suffer when they want would be considered OK. Yes? No? What do you think?

Whatever the case is, I feel that my battery needs to be recharged soon for the benefit of myself and others in the near future. Feeling this way is OK in some instances, but shouldn't be a common occurrence. That may turn into an overwhelmingly strong sense of suffering after some time.

STOP

I stumbled across this video during a search on YouTube at the start of the month, but logged it away in the bookmarked sites under "Favorites" for a later time. I re-discovered this snippet last evening before going to bed, and figured I would give it a shot throughout the notorious day of the week that is Monday.

The Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Workbook by Stahl and Goldstein is an adaptation of Jon Kabat-Zinn's principles for MBSR available for the general public to engage with. Since it's publication last year, the book has received excellent reviews for its access to life-altering (beneficial) exercises for what seems to follow most people: Stress.

The exercise in this video is quite simple, and is outlined by the acronym STOP.


Stop - Cease what it is that you currently doing.

Take a Breath - Focus on the breath. Monitor

Observe - What is going on in the body? What are you feeling? Come to an understanding/acceptance of where one is at the present moment.

Proceed - Move forward and engage with what it is that is most important for you at that moment.

As a refresher, I quickly watched the video again this morning before leaving for work at 6:45 in order to equip myself for the day. Fifteen minutes later, it was put to the test as I listened to the 12 voicemails that blew-up my mailbox since the 21st. It was during my commute, so I had to keep my eyes open in order to ensure my own safety and the well-being of everyone else around me. I stopped, took a breath, and observed my body. Even before crossing the DC city limits, I could sense the tension already building in my neck and shoulders as I squeezed the steering wheel from the rising stress inside of me. My feelings began to shift negatively toward myself.

"It wouldn't be this way if you hadn't taken Thursday off. What were you thinking?"

I quickly put those thoughts to rest, and informed myself that I couldn't do anything about it at this point, and that the opportunity to deal with the content of the messages would come once I was in the confines of the office. I retired the thoughts, and I proceeded onward in my commute.

There are too many other accounts within the day for me to list where I instituted the use of STOP. Way too many. It was in no way an easy day, and I came home exhausted. I can, however, attest to the fact that I did find this exercise to be beneficial in slowing down my day and allowing me to process experiences in a way that was more informed and clear. The observing step was probably the most vital because it's typically the one that most of us (including myself) skip the most in our decision making and experience processing routines. Emotional/Feeling awareness is one thing, but our physical body also holds a great deal of those emotions/feelings that are often missed.

Just the brief exposure to the MBST Workbook may prompt me to invest in the entire workbook. I believe it will not only be a useful tool for my personal use, but also for potential use with clients. I'll just make sure that I STOP before hitting the purchase button. My wife will probably encourage that.

Video Meditation #4: Deepak Chopra

There's something about Chopra's voice that makes one feel as if everything is going to be OK.

I piggy-backed these two videos together for an approximate "10-minute" meditation session, and found it deeply relaxing.

This will be a short post because I feel that the videos alone present a great amount of guidance that doesn't need much reflection.

One thought however...

"Mindfulness is the practice of observing oneself without judging yourself."

Out of the two videos, I found this single statement to be the most influential in directing the entire time of meditation.

It seems that the general direction of all of my mindfulness and meditation times have trended toward the general theme of compassion for the individual. Maybe, in a way, it's a message that I've needed the most in these past few weeks.

I am my worst critic, and I think the same tends to apply for every other individual. We have high-expectations for our lives, and when we don't believe that we are following our hopes and dreams, we lead ourselves toward some degree of self-destruction. We lack compassion and love to enable ourselves to be empowered by the acceptance of experience and being.

As I've continued in this journey the past 25 days, I cannot say that I have arrived at the place of no longer judging myself, but that I have softened it and laid compassion on myself. As long as I believe and accept my experiences as wonderful opportunities for awakening and accept them, my practice of mindfulness can only become richer each day. Today, I found some relief in accepting all that was within my day. They included my best moments and my worst, but they tell the story of my presence in this world today. I have the choice to judge my experiences and subject myself to suffering through the harsh criticism I would levy upon myself, or accept the experiences with compassion, and become awakened by presence and responses to them.

My desire is for the latter, and my journey is bringing me closer still.

Walking Meditation: The National Mall

I guess you could say I engaged in a "Bikram" form of meditative walking. 115 heat index should have done the trick.

Earlier this afternoon, my wife, her college roommate, and I made a trip into DC to do a little tour of some of the USA's finest museums and national monuments. After visiting the National Holocaust Memorial, the three of us decided to walk to the Washington Monument and onward to the Lincoln Memorial before making our way back to NOVA. I don't think I have experience an oven-like feeling as today's weather gave to our region, but I took it as an opportunity to mindfully incorporate it into the practice of meditative walking.

As my wife and her roommate caught up on life over the past 6 months, I took the opportunity to quietly walk the length of the National Mall about 5-6 paces in front of them, and to drink in my surroundings. Here's what I experienced...

- I was hot. My entire body tingled with the expulsion of sweat and the slight sunburn I got from being outside.

- I could hear things more clearly as I focused on bringing awareness to my senses. I could understand conversations of people walking by, my wife, and her roommate. I could smell the scent of cut grass around us, and of the hot dog stands nearby. I was also able to see small changes in the environment from squirrels and birds moving across the ground to minor details of people's faces and postures as I passed them. It seemed odd to notice all of these details as I walked, but also very profound. It seemed like nothing could get past me in the moment.

- As the walk continued, my thoughts began to move inward, and I began to follow lovingkindness meditation and compassion for myself and those who I passed along the way. At one point, my gaze connected with another person, and we exchanged a soft, smile. It was connection with no specific direction, but one that passed peace. It was refreshing, and it only furthered my continued reciting of compassion inside.

- Upon reaching the Lincoln Memorial, I took several moments to look across the National Mall toward the Capital and spoke thanksgiving for freedom. I had stood there time before, but a moment of meditation made the feeling stronger this time.

- Finally on the Metro returning home, I focused on breathing deeply for recovery and awareness of my physical being. I eventually felt grounded after 5-7 minutes, and felt relaxed for the remainder of the evening amidst the continued heat.

Although I abandoned my attempt at a Labyrinth walk on Friday due to the heat, this experience was too good to pass. I felt as if I needed to put greater effort in staying focused due to the heat, but an effort that paid-off with some great experiences.

Power

Have you ever been hard on yourself?
Have you ever not liked or appreciated who you are?
Do you doubt yourself?
Do you feel that you're never at your best?
Do you ever feel powerless?

I can answer my own questions.

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes.

Tara Brach says something incredibly profound within the brief timeframe allotted in the video. She says:

"Profoundness comes in the idea of one being empowered...it happens when we live in the fullness of what(who) we are."

Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought that the term "power" would have anything to do with the idea of it being in the form of one's self-awareness and acceptance. I only ever understood it in the terms of conquering, lording over, and in terms of quantitative research (Yep!). Brach's definition, however, makes incredible sense amidst the difficulty in digesting it at its rawest form.

The term "empowerment" has more often been used in terms of how one encourages/motivates/accepts some else. It's an action performed by one (or a community) on a single entity. But what if it was done for the individual by the individual? Using my mindfulness primed cortex now, I can see where the practices of compassion and lovingkindness become supports for this tenant. It's in lovingkindness meditation that we take on the difficult task of entering into ourselves to accept all that we are; the fullness of our being.

This action is extremely difficult for me. I'm not sure where it really began to take root, but it's been a struggle for many years. Amidst all of the wonderful opportunities I've had, the gifts and talents I've inherited or learned, and the countless other experiences, I have almost always found some place to discredit myself or cite some "lacking" quality. At times, I've simply not wanted attention for accomplishments, and downplayed my role in those moments. I've always looked for the opportunities to use an ax on my results in order to bring the tree of goodness/success one-step closer to the sawmill. In a sense, I look to disempower myself.

Now here's the screwy thing. I would claim that I am 85% empowered for the sake of others, but 15% or less for myself. I strive to empower and serve others, but then ruin my self with the remainder. I know that I have to keep something for myself, but habits are tough to break. Especially the bad ones.

As I've continued to bring myself back to the practice of lovingkindness meditation, I have gone through a roller-coaster these past few weeks as I've sought to empower myself through meditation and reflection. I've attempted to engage with the "wisdom and compassion" that Brach says is our "essence," and I would say that I've had my fingertips on some of them for periods of time. I still have not grasped them tightly in palm as of yet. My meditation has been as follows...

May I be filled with love for others
May I be filled with love for myself
May I stand with strength and courage
May I live with compassion and vigor

One of the things that I'm looking most forward to in the coming Semester in the clinic is the opportunity to work closely with my supervisor and peers while working at the CFS on Tuesday nights. I honestly believe that one of the greatest struggles and greatest awakenings will occur as we all serve together in utilizing our knowledge and talents to serve those who come to the CFS in need. Without a doubt, I'm certain that I will be awakened to something greater inside of me, AND will have the opportunity to celebrate in community with those around me. It's frightening at times, but if my lovingkindness guide continues to incite power within me, I cannot be afraid of the results that will result.

Living Room Labyrinth

If only my living room looked like this. It would be serene.

I decided to take the day-off from work in order to make an effort at rejuvenating my mind and body from the beating it took at work the previous three days. As part of that plan, I hoped to go and engage in a walking meditation at an outdoor labyrinth situated close to our apartment. What I didn't account for was the 112 degree heat index that happened to visit the area. A change of plans were put in order, but not a change in practice.

Instead of risking the heat outside, I decided to create my own rendition of a labyrinth within the confines of our apartment's living room. Now, the overall size of the labyrinth has to be at least 8-10x smaller than most externally located ones, but I was determined to make it work. I moved our coffee table and papasan chair to the furthest corner of the room, and began to construct the simplest and most basic labyrinth I could with the various books, CD's, and other items (e.g. dog toys, remotes, etc) that were available. And when I say simple, I do mean very simple. Even simpler than the image below.


The idea of the Labyrinth is based on a process of journeying inward toward awakening, followed by a return to the external world. My first experience of Labyrinth walking took place in 2005 while attending a youth workers convention. Within the confines of the convention center, organizers designated one of the main halls to be transformed into a room of awakening, prayer, and spiritual engagement. One of the guiding principles for the practice of Labyrinth walking at this conference was to use the bends of one's journey as a time to slow down before entering into a place of change. The experience was incredible, and I have been looking for the opportunity to re-engage with this practice.

This experience was much more difficult than other times mainly due to two reasons:

1) The area used for this walking meditation was incredibly too small
2) I was in an area familiar to me, thus causing an increase in distractions.

As I walked through my make-shift Labyrinth, I spent a great deal of time focused upon the cadence of my breath and the weight of each step. Due to the limited space, my turns inward toward the center occurred more rapidly than they would otherwise, and I found myself taking 2-3 steps before needing to make a turn. This was very difficult in the course of this meditative journey as I would have to be mindful of each time that I reached a turn. It felt as if each turn drew me out of the moment in order to begin a new one as opposed to the longer stretches of a full-sized labyrinth. All-in all, I spent approximately 15-20 minutes walking my Living Room Labyrinth, and probably navigated the space at least 12-15 times. In the end, it may have been more beneficial to do a straight line walking meditation in order to allow myself to engage deeper for longer periods of time, but the experience of a labyrinth was what I wanted. In order to expand practice following, I tried to be mindful in the movements and breathing of picking up the items I used in the construction of the labyrinth. This lasted for about 3-4 minutes before I got bored, and began quickly collecting everything so I could take care of a few other academic related tasks.

Using the Labyrinth Locator, I hope to find a labyrinth close to both home and to work that I can stop and participate in a time of contemplation. With the availability of this tool, I hope to be able to incorporate a practice that I found incredibly beneficial to myself, even if it was only from a single encounter more than 6 years ago. Not only will these local labyrinths be larger in size and more complex, they also won't have the issue of a dog reclaiming their possessions in the middle of one's journey inward.

Laughter Yoga

While I was working in Buffalo, NY prior to moving to NOVA, my employer began incorporating a monthly Laughter Club that was open to any staff wishing to attend. As part of an initial inservice on the concept of Laughter Yoga, many of the basic techniques shown in this video were performed and practiced by us. At first, I was skeptical of it, and tried to hold back the awkwardness of looking at another person and start laughing without any sort of joke, comedy, or other catalyst that would typically prompt laughter. None of those were needed. After about 3 minutes, I was laughing heartily from the contagious laughter that swept through the training. In all 35 people were genuinely laughing, allowing the stress of the day to float away before taking it with them on their commute home.

I reconnected with this concept of Laughter Yoga after reading a web-article using the practice in the treatment of Anger Management (for my EFFT Course). After reading about the different practices on the techniques, I looked for a video showing a session taking place. As I watched the video, I couldn't help but engage in laughter with it. It was incredibly playful and eccentric; two things that are often missed in our day-to-day routine. Out of all the practices, the "milk-shake" exercise had to be my favorite as it induced full-body movements and deep laughter. I've since bookmarked this video as a reference for many days where a hearty laugh is needed.

Looking at this from a neurological base, mirror neurons play an incredible role in the contagiousness of laughter. The study of mirror neurons crept into the field of study about 20 years ago, and have been a hot-topic ever since. These neurons are believed to be activated not only when an individual performs a certain action, but also when that same individual witnesses someone else performing that same action. Therefore, the neuron is fired by a "mirroring" of the action. In the field of Laughter Yoga, when one laughs it causes the neurons in someone else to fire, prompting them to laugh. Incredibly interesting. In addition, the clapping of hands during warm-up also serves to stimulate nerves and bring awakening to the body.

Where does this fit into mindfulness? I think the link with mindfulness practice comes in awakening one's senses to their experiences and in the alleviation of suffering. I know it's been said before, but mindfulness practice is not simply designated to sitting silently in solitude. It too can take on the form of moving raucously in community. Laughter Yoga may be a new form of mindfulness or a precursor to deeper mindfulness with the awakening of the senses. Whatever it is, I find it incredibly delightful, relaxing, and much needed in my life.

Ho Ho Ha Ha Ha!

Here are some additional videos and websites:

Discovery Health: "What is Laughter Yoga?"

Laughter Yoga International

Video Meditation #3: Deep Relaxation

After another crazy day at work with meetings, visitations, and follow-up from the previous day's events, I came home this evening with a hunger for deep relaxation, renewal, and guidance.

This video fit the bill for what I craved.

For whatever reason, I felt that I needed to retreat inwardly before being able to engage with any other task or person in order to have any sort of productive evening. Sitting on the futon where I have most often been doing my times of meditation, I closed my eyes and allowed the guide to speak through the recording. Ocean waves have always been a sound that has brought forth great comfort, but also have had the ability of leading me toward slumber. I sharpened my mind to not focus on the waves as the calming hush, but to tune into the point at which the sound builds the greatest in the wave. This kept me alert at the beginning of the session so that I could then focus upon the guide's words.

There was something very relaxing about the way the guide spoke. Maybe it was because his voice was behind the wave sounds and flute that made it less abrasive than other videos I've used? Maybe there was something simply within his voice? Maybe it was because it felt as if he was only speaking to me? The guide's voice allowed me to go deeper than what I've been able to do in the past few days, and it was much needed. His pattern of returning to the breath, and leading efforts toward pushing away thoughts in the mind were perfect for finding balance and refreshment.

Although the video was all of 10 minutes long, I was able to continue with the pattern of breathing and keeping unwanted thoughts from entering into this time. After a round of breathing, I did a body scan to find that the bottoms of my feet were extremely sore from the amount of walking, running, and moving that I did throughout the busy day. I moved my hands onto the bottoms of my feet and let the weight of my fingers rest on the arches. After a few moments, I moved my hands to my knees, which also took the brunt of the day's movement, focusing on the areas where tendinitis has wrecked havoc for the past 5 years. My hands remained in this position for the next 10 minutes as I focused on the life force that flows throughout my body. I had been told by a physical therapist years ago that the concept of "biofeedback" has been a practice that has aided individuals in the reduction of pain and increased recovery time. The practice is based on placing great amounts of focus and attention to areas where the injury is located in order to increase blood flow and to stimulate neurons linked to local cells. I always thought of it as a unique concept, but never put much faith in it. Today, was different. I remained in my position for 10 minutes focusing on my knees, and began to feel a tingling sensation in the area that I was focusing. By the end of that time, the edginess of the pain was less, and the length of time needed to ice them was less than usual.

Deep relaxation is a tough thing to achieve, in my opinion, but not impossible. It takes a genuine desire to want to stop everything, be in the moment, and allow oneself to essentially become "nonexistent" to the world surrounding them. For me, the sensation of deep relaxation is one that I need to come to about once or twice each month when everything around me has become too much, and the demands of life become too heavy. Thankfully, the practice of mindfulness has aided in the assistance of accepting and responding to daily occurrences that otherwise would cause me to shut-down and retreat out of fear, anger, or some other negative feeling. A combination of both these practices (daily mindfulness and periodic internal retreats) are proving to be a nice recipe for inner peace and external awareness.

On Suffering

This is the best example of my state-of-mind for this day.

Overwhelmed. Downcast. "Woe is me."

In order to simplify the story (and maintain the feeling), I can summarize it in five words. Here it goes...

I damaged a rental car.

There is nothing more dreadful than causing damage to a car that doesn't belong to you AND that is being paid for my someone else. When the event occurred, I was stunned. I couldn't believe that I did what I had been able to avoid for more than 12 years of driving: an accident. Disbelief, shame, anger, and fear all came as a fire-ball in the midst of the 96 degree heat, to bring me toward the greater challenge: continued suffering of the event within my mind.

For the remainder of the work day, I carried the weight of this event on my mind and in my body as I went from appointment to appointment. Even once I returned to the office, my coworkers tried their hand at reassuring me that this was "common" and that "everyone has at least one incident in their life." But not me. I'm different. I've had close calls before, and even drove in countries where I feared for the safety of the vehicle and myself, but this is ridiculous. My perfect driving streak ends on a clear day, a dry alleyway, and my failure to safely make a turn around a small rock wall. It's stupid, careless, and my fault. I did it to myself.

When I got home earlier this evening after talking to my wife, I began to feel a bit better once she began putting it into perspective. I wasn't hurt. No one else was involved. Damage was relatively minor. It was reported quickly. This made me feel a bit better, but I was still beating myself up about the fact that it happened. I was submitting myself to become a pin cushion filled with the primary and secondary darts of my mind. I was continuing to allow myself to hurt and suffer.

As I sit here now typing the experience of my day for your viewing pleasure, I must confess that I have since spent time in a time of breathing, stretching, and lovingkindness meditation. It was my sense of pride and an unforgiving part of me that was leading me to continually suffer, and I needed to forgive myself for my error. I was safe, healthy, and now needed to be at peace. For myself, pride is the part of my life that leads me to the most suffering. I hold great expectations for myself in all that I do, and I need to learn to take it all with a grain of salt and a bit of laughter. It's true that at some point in my life I would damage a car that I was driving or be in some sort of accident. This day is an opportunity to learn of my reactions, and how I can now be more mindful of how I respond. Hopefully, another experience like this will never have to happen. If it does, hopefully it's not in a rental car.

The next test will be in limiting the suffering once the bill arrives.

Merton: Breathing & Walking

I first became exposed to the writings of Thomas Merton while taking a course in Spiritual Disciplines during the Summer of 2004. As part of our coursework, each student was asked to read selections from practitioners of many historical figures in the arts of silence, solitude, prayer, fasting, and pilgrimage. Out of all of the writers I had the privilege to review, Merton was the one I found myself relating to the most. There was something about Merton's desire for solitude and to be in the presence of the God who gave him the desire to serve others, reflect on life, and to pray without ceasing that made his words addicting. No more than a week following the course, I promptly purchased two of his better known books ("The New Man"/"No Man is an Island"), and finished them within a couple of weeks. Merton's works rapidly became a part of my personal library.

There are two passages of Merton's work that have had a lasting effect on me. The first passage comes from the pages of his collection titled "Thoughts in Solitude." Starting with the words, "My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going...," it has become my life passage; an adopted summary of my journey. (*You can read it in its entirety here.) The second comes from a collection of Merton's prayers and drawings that he made during his time at the Abbey of Gethsemani.

"My God, I pray better to you by breathing.
I pray better to you by walking than by talking."

I find this quote to be incredibly relevant and vital to the current journey that I am on these days: Mindfulness. The art of breathing and walking are two of the practices that we utilized heavily during our retreat, but are also (in my opinion) the two most prevalent life/bodily tasks that we do every day. For Merton, they were essential parts of silence as neither required any form of rhetoric. They were the basic cadences of his life. They too, are mine.

The use of mindfulness practices, it seems, have often been associated with the idea of retreating and stepping away from the current pace of life that many find themselves in. Maybe it's due to being associated heavily with the art of meditation, which tends to be associated with this sort of withdrawal. But to me, mindfulness is much bigger and complex than the idea of meditation. It's about being present in our lives, wherever we are with whatever we're doing. It's designed to serve as an awareness of our life.

As I now begin the second-half of my journey into mindfulness, my approach will begin to shift toward the present acts of breathing and walking. More of my reflections will begin to take on my experiences with the world around me, as I encounter the world with my eyes open wider. Compassion and lovingkindness will continue to be major parts of this journey, but I will begin to explore through other practices such as labyrinth walking, yoga, and other forms. This idea of breathing and walking will also be used to help me expand the view of my experiences to full-day encounters as opposed to the single accounts that were found in the previous entries.

So as I step forth into these next two weeks, it is time for me to breath in deeply and take the first step. It is my hope and prayer that my journey will continue to be blessed, and that I will continue to have my practice enriched through my reflections, my experiences, and my gratitude for being able to live each day as a new gift to be unwrapped.

EFT and Mindfulness Practice

Earlier this afternoon, I completed the second of six classes devoted to the study of Emotion Focused Family Therapy as part of the Summer II session. Although much of the class (today) was oriented toward a discussion on the presence of emotions and feelings in the context of neurobiology, there were at length verbal citations regarding the benefit of mindfulness practices related to the recognition and regulation of emotion for individuals. Upon the mention of this, I became even more attuned to the course of the class discussion, and was even asked to expound upon my previous and current experiences with mindfulness practice. After a few minutes of sharing, I began to think heavily upon the full connection between the two.

Doesn't mindfulness have more to do with thoughts than it does emotions/feelings?

Are there more connection points to the integration of these two models aside from a focus on "presence?"

These questions continued to linger with me for my entire drive home, and continued to follow me as I took care of the necessary tasks of welcoming my parents for the weekend. A quick Google search was all I needed to begin receiving some answers.

Beckerman, N.L, & Sarracco, M. (2011). Enhancing emotionally focused couple therapy through the practice of mindfulness: A case analysis. Journal of Family Psychotherapy, 22(1), pp. 1-15. DOI: 10.1080/08975353.2011.551082

*Currently able to be viewed for free online here until 12/31/11.

I found this article to be a great example of the attempt at fleshing EFT and Mindfulness practices together to show the benefit of their co-existence. Some of the benefits of the two practices together include:

- Increased openness and acceptance of relationship satisfaction, autonomy, closeness, etc.
- Increased awareness of internal processes to accept other individual's responses
- Incorporation of a non-judgmental stance to experience and note feelings and thoughts of the present moment
- Increased regulation of affective responses
- Ability to maintain increased presence and coping with immediate emotional responses
- Assistance with restoration of attachment relationships
- Increased awareness of physical reactions and emotional distress

The article continued on the provide a case study of a couple who incorporated mindfulness practice together throughout the course of receiving EFCT. The resulting outcome was positive following a 6-month follow-up with a decrease in marital strife and the wife's depressive state.

If there was a specific characteristic that I would cite as the most identifiable connection between the two practices, I would have to say that the ability to maintain increased presence to cope with immediate emotional responses would be the one. Reason? Individually, both mindfulness and EFT utilize great emphasis on presence: that which is occurring within the individual at the moment. Together, their combined emphasis serves a great asset in the course of therapy.

This initial article serves as a good initial exposure to the this concept of integration.

I'll have to read its corresponding reflection sometime soon.

That is, if it's recommended. :)

Sacred Pause

It is (in a way) unfortunate that I am now writing about this practice following a day filled with ongoing stress. From 7am-7pm, I was at the mercy of my work responsibilities. I had little to no time to myself as I worked to finally house the last client of my caseload out of the shelter system. There was no time for me aside for the few moments I would escape in order to use the bathroom. I could have really used a gift today.

I stumbled upon this short-video by Tara Brach while searching for anything dealing with slowing down one's day in order to find presence. There were many other videos that were tied to this idea, but the mentioning of Tara's name throughout our class periods drew to me experiencing her style of influence in the art of mindfulness. I was not disappointed.

One of the first things that I drew from the video was her relation to the idea of busy as "hard killing." Wow! It's very true. I paused the video after that statement, and took several moments to grasp the severity of those words. Our busyness is, in a sense, a form of killing the self. Suicidal, no less. This really does make a lot of sense at how there are so many stress-related illnesses that have jumped to the forefront of medical attention as the past-3o years have progressed, and how it appears that the average American now has increased work/demands placed upon them while having a decrease in chosen recreation/recovery activities. It's not that we necessarily desire to be busy, but that we have come to accept it as a fact of life.

Tara's leading of the "Sacred Pause" was refreshing this evening as I begin to decompress from the frantic pace I took from sunrise to sunset. As I let go of the day through the cycle of breathing deeply, I could sense my physical heart actually returning to its designated cavity instead of feeling as if it protruded through my chest every beat. It is nice to be home, and it is nice to begin to return to the self, and be present of where I was and how I felt. Although my body aches, I can feel myself actually becoming aware of having feeling. I can honestly state that I wasn't very mindful to both my physical and mental states during the day, leading to more damage than I otherwise would prefer. But this day is over, and I must "let go" with the breath that is expelled through my lungs. My shoulders feel relaxed, and in a few short moments, I will cover myself with two blankets: that of a gentle acceptance of this day, and that of the feather variety. With this new experience and exposure to the concept of the sacred pause, I am now equipped with a practice of warding-off the assassin of suffering that comes in the form of busyness. A pause shall not be considered lost time, but seen as the return of one's heart in order to capture a view of the beauty that is one's life and their place in this world.

Sacred Pause = Saving Grace

Tuesday Turnaround

Following a day like Monday, I convinced myself that I needed to be proactive with preparing myself for what may occur later in the day. Following my typical 5am alarm, I used two rounds of snooze alarms to gradually bring myself out of slumber. At the arrival of the third snooze, I was awake enough to be able to lie in bed for the next 10 minutes for a brief time of meditation. I completed a body scan in order to get a reference of how I was feeling. I was tired. My stomach had the subtle feeling that it had not felt sustenance for at least 10 hours and needed to be appeased. My knees and ankles were tight from being used extensively the day before, followed by hours of inactivity. After 5 minutes of lovingkindness meditation, I finally rolled out of bed, made my way to the shower, and then finalized my preparation for my hour commute into DC. The morning was off to a good start.

Upon arrival to the office, the day began a flurry of activity with my brain shifting between emails, phone calls, meetings, and client files. In order to maintain a level of sanity and presence, I focused on utilizing the 4x4x6 breathing method to calm myself and remain focused. This practice is extremely useful in the midst of an office meeting with 10 other individuals. Unless you're gasping for air during its practice, one can practice without disrupting others in public. Extremely beneficial.

Overall, the day was considerably less hectic than the previous, but it made no sense to change the course of practice at this point. Following lunch with my coworkers, I took 15 minutes prior to my next home visit to sit for a period of meditation in my car. With only the air conditioner running, I used it as an anchor for the period, focusing on the constant whir of the internal fan. This session focused on the idea of wind and the refreshing breeze that it brings. Sitting in the car with a light movement of air across my face added to feeling of refreshment. By also focusing on sensations moving throughout my body that were "alarmed" from the 95 degree weather and sleepiness that was beginning to creep in, I began to reassure myself that all was well, and that I would be refreshed. For the next 4 hours of client contact, I was at peace, relaxed, and maintained it throughout the time at home.

I found the above quote when I was looking for an image to best represent the experience of peace that I held this day. It defines my experiences of this day. Aside from the few moments of meditation that I brought into this day, I found myself possessing this peace within the work, noise, and difficulties of my encounters. I felt that time with my clients was richer, and I was able to be even more present and aware of details. It was a good day. A total turnaround.

Monday Moments

I'm not going to break any molds here by saying this: I severely DISLIKE Mondays!

Now that I have that off my chest...

Today was an incredibly difficult Monday. Maybe it was because it's the start to my new 4x10hour work week. Maybe it was due to my new work computer not working properly. Maybe it was from eating leftover pasta for the third meal, or that it was 96 degrees, or that my last client gave me a lecture on the downfall of America, or that traffic was really bad. Whatever it was, today was a day where I wished moments to be done away with, eliminated, or to have the opportunity for a do-over. Overall, I was more concerned with what I needed to do tonight, than what was happening during the day. Today was not a day to celebrate moments.

Thankfully, there are very few days where this is the norm. In most cases, I'm able to enjoy the majority of my daily experiences. The key, however, is in learning how to live and experience those moments with depth. The thing about depth is that you have to get dirty doing it. You have to place yourself in the thick of things, surrounding yourself with the sensory experiences that bring a full-body awareness to your movements, interactions, emotions, and thoughts. The pure thought of doing all this makes me want to run away from it all. The key to it all is to know that moving toward depth doesn't come with a single plunge. Depth comes in the form of learning to breathe deeper and to expand the lungs in order to reach greater depths. So it is with the practice of mindfulness: expanding ones interactions and openness into the mysterious abyss of experience. One never knows the full-extent of what they may find, but they will venture forward when in possession of mindfulness and a courageous heart.

As I've now been removed from these tough moments of the day by a couple hours now, I find myself regretting the chance to fully experience myself and my surroundings as the day unfurled. By being more aware of the moment, would I have been able to see an opportunity for joy? I'm not certain, but hindsight is always an atmosphere to present possibilities.

As I complete this entry, the clock on the wall is hitting 9pm, and I see that this day is coming to a close. What can I do tomorrow to become more aware of the day? What will my responses be?

Hopefully tomorrow will serve as a return to greater mindful practice. Stay tuned to find out.

Video Meditation #2: Sacred Chants

I have always been fascinated by the amazing sound projection, clarity, and power of sacred chanting. During my undergraduate days at Houghton College, my exposure to this style of chanting began with an initial exposure through coursework in religion and theology as an example of spiritual practices exercised by the church throughout the Dark Ages and rise of Catholicism. At that time, I thought very little of it, and credited it as simply a form that a particular group found to beneficial to their community. The following year, the Fransican Friars of the Renewal (Bronx, NY) came to campus and conducted not only discussion on practice, but also guided mini-retreats dedicated to prayer and meditation. Chanting was a key part of the retreat experience.

During my final semester at Houghton, I participated in a 12-day excursion to Israel for study, and had first-hand experience of group chants in an Armenian Church located within the walls of the Old City. The church was built from stone, and was filled with the scent of candles and incsnes as the choir stood in a horeshoe in the center of the room. Numbering close to 20, the choir chanted for nearly 40 minutes, echoing throughout the expansive catherdral ceiling. The sound (and experience) was nothing short of breath taking. Since that time, I believe the only form of chanting I allowed to come back to my ears was that from the Monty Python Group.

I sat down this afternoon after doing a search for meditation in YouTube, and this video was one of the first to be displayed in the que. Just out of curiosity, I decided to try it as the form of background for my meditation time. I began the meditation without the use of the video in order to bring myself to a place of relaxation before engaging with the sound of voices. By focusing on the breath for approximately 5 minutes, I came to a place where my body was able to be relaxed. I noticed that areas of discomfort throughout my body began to drift away, and that many of the concerns that I held regarding them drifted away. After that time, I engaged the video chant, and sat through its duration, focusing on the clarity of voice that came forth. It was beautiful, enchanting, and refreshing.

During the meditation time, I focused on a concept that was cited by Rick Hanson in the "Buddah's Brain" text. On pgs. 93-94, Hanson talks about the concept of "finding refuge" as a means of finding a place of peace and security. In Hanson's words, "Taking refuge pulls you away from reactivating situations and concerns, and then fills you with positive influences" (p. 94). This is something that I desperately sought as I prepared for entry into the upcoming week. My meditation time centered around this concept and brought a deep sense of refreshment and power that I was safe from what would occur in the upcoming days. The use of this sacred chant was related to the spiritual community that I find myself linked with, as well as referencing my chosen refuge. The chanting flooded back memories of the that time I spent within the Armenian Church. Recognizing this memory, I focused upong the emotional state that I was presently feeling, and allowed that to bring me to my place of peace. I felt safe in the presence of my refuge, and it's a place that I will continue to seek in the coming days through many different forms. Sacred chants will play a role in the facilitation of that journey.

"It's a dog's life"

Interesting enough, this phrase has most often been associated to some form of suffering or trials in one's life as it beckons back to the 16th Century. Our modern day, however, has switched to the meaning of a more pampered lifestyle with personalized beds, gourmet foods, and (yes) their own fashion line. My understanding, however, fits neither the destitute dog or the pampered pooch. It is of the Momentous Mutt.

I stumbled upon this blog post by Arnie Kozak, a blogger and mindfulness practitioner. Kozak's post was dedicated to the loving memory of one of his most loyal meditation companions, his dog Ruki. Here's a snippet from his post:

"Dogs are also great mindfulness teachers: paying attention to their surroundings with keenness, living in a world of scent, movement, and adventure. My dog, as yours, could feel frustration, fear, anger, disappointment, hunger, pain, discomfort. Yet, I’m fairly confident that he didn’t generate stories about them. He suffered, but only as much as the circumstance provided, not adding anything of his own. We could learn something from that."

As a dog owner for a little over a year now, I can honestly see what he's talking about. Dogs live in the present moment. They are in-tune to their surroundings nearly all the time, and their expressions of emotion fit into the moment of their experiences. In truth, I am envious of a dog's life in this way. The blessing and curse of our brain is the prefrontal cortex that complicates the emotional emissions of the limbic system. Dog's don't have this, and the sensory data that a dog brings in becomes it's life.

A squirrel is a squirrel, and is meant to be chased.
Food is given, and is meant to be eaten.
A wagging tail is meant for an owner.

As I've been on this journey for the past several weeks, much of my meditation has been done with the accompaniment of our year-old puppy, Dunkin. Dunkin is a prime example of how a dog remains in the moment. As I'm sitting here now, he has just walked over to my wife, sat down beside her, and is content as she rubs his head and ears. He is in the moment, and nothing else can deter his focus. As I've sat in meditation, Dunkin has most often come and curled himself between my legs during the 10, 15, or 20-minutes that I've sat for meditation. At first, the beginning moments of meditation are make or break with him around. If he's not settled, I'm not settled. Much of that time is spent trying to move him to a place of comfort, which ultimately leads to neither of us being very still. But in those moments when I have been calm, Dunkin has folded himself into the tightest ball of fur, and lending his own breath to serve as a centering for my meditation. When all is done, the two of us treat ourselves to a cookie (or two); a well deserved reward for our time of silence.

So what would it be like to have dog's life in this manner? I think the world already wrestles with this concept, and two distinct reactions are often played out in the response of a dog's owner.

Reaction #1: The dog's ability to be mindful and in the present moment is lost to the owner. His ability to be in the moment is an inconvenience to the owner, keeping them from their next task, leaving them outside in the elements, or frustrating them for not moving. A dog's presence and behavior is often seen as "cute," but more times than not as a nuisance. The owner loathes the dog, and even complains to them stating, "You have it so good, you know."

Reaction #2: The dog's ability to be mindful and in the present moment is rejoiced by the owner. A dog's desire to experience things in their entirety (and with depth) is captivating to the owner, and they are drawn closer to understanding these moments. The owner begins to look to experience that which the dog is staring at, and they find joy in the moments of walking, playing, and interacting with their friend. They become in-tune with one another, and in time, their relationship to their environment and each other broadens. Ultimately, their moments are filled with the joy and mystery of experiencing life.

May we all learn to come and experience the moments of life with greater awareness and joy that are four-legged friends do. It's amazing what a young pooch has taught me so far.