Have you ever been hard on yourself?
Have you ever not liked or appreciated who you are?
Do you doubt yourself?
Do you feel that you're never at your best?
Do you ever feel powerless?
I can answer my own questions.
Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes.
Tara Brach says something incredibly profound within the brief timeframe allotted in the video. She says:
"Profoundness comes in the idea of one being empowered...it happens when we live in the fullness of what(who) we are."
Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought that the term "power" would have anything to do with the idea of it being in the form of one's self-awareness and acceptance. I only ever understood it in the terms of conquering, lording over, and in terms of quantitative research (Yep!). Brach's definition, however, makes incredible sense amidst the difficulty in digesting it at its rawest form.
The term "empowerment" has more often been used in terms of how one encourages/motivates/accepts some else. It's an action performed by one (or a community) on a single entity. But what if it was done for the individual by the individual? Using my mindfulness primed cortex now, I can see where the practices of compassion and lovingkindness become supports for this tenant. It's in lovingkindness meditation that we take on the difficult task of entering into ourselves to accept all that we are; the fullness of our being.
This action is extremely difficult for me. I'm not sure where it really began to take root, but it's been a struggle for many years. Amidst all of the wonderful opportunities I've had, the gifts and talents I've inherited or learned, and the countless other experiences, I have almost always found some place to discredit myself or cite some "lacking" quality. At times, I've simply not wanted attention for accomplishments, and downplayed my role in those moments. I've always looked for the opportunities to use an ax on my results in order to bring the tree of goodness/success one-step closer to the sawmill. In a sense, I look to disempower myself.
Now here's the screwy thing. I would claim that I am 85% empowered for the sake of others, but 15% or less for myself. I strive to empower and serve others, but then ruin my self with the remainder. I know that I have to keep something for myself, but habits are tough to break. Especially the bad ones.
As I've continued to bring myself back to the practice of lovingkindness meditation, I have gone through a roller-coaster these past few weeks as I've sought to empower myself through meditation and reflection. I've attempted to engage with the "wisdom and compassion" that Brach says is our "essence," and I would say that I've had my fingertips on some of them for periods of time. I still have not grasped them tightly in palm as of yet. My meditation has been as follows...
One of the things that I'm looking most forward to in the coming Semester in the clinic is the opportunity to work closely with my supervisor and peers while working at the CFS on Tuesday nights. I honestly believe that one of the greatest struggles and greatest awakenings will occur as we all serve together in utilizing our knowledge and talents to serve those who come to the CFS in need. Without a doubt, I'm certain that I will be awakened to something greater inside of me, AND will have the opportunity to celebrate in community with those around me. It's frightening at times, but if my lovingkindness guide continues to incite power within me, I cannot be afraid of the results that will result.
Have you ever not liked or appreciated who you are?
Do you doubt yourself?
Do you feel that you're never at your best?
Do you ever feel powerless?
I can answer my own questions.
Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes.
Tara Brach says something incredibly profound within the brief timeframe allotted in the video. She says:
"Profoundness comes in the idea of one being empowered...it happens when we live in the fullness of what(who) we are."
Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought that the term "power" would have anything to do with the idea of it being in the form of one's self-awareness and acceptance. I only ever understood it in the terms of conquering, lording over, and in terms of quantitative research (Yep!). Brach's definition, however, makes incredible sense amidst the difficulty in digesting it at its rawest form.
The term "empowerment" has more often been used in terms of how one encourages/motivates/accepts some else. It's an action performed by one (or a community) on a single entity. But what if it was done for the individual by the individual? Using my mindfulness primed cortex now, I can see where the practices of compassion and lovingkindness become supports for this tenant. It's in lovingkindness meditation that we take on the difficult task of entering into ourselves to accept all that we are; the fullness of our being.
This action is extremely difficult for me. I'm not sure where it really began to take root, but it's been a struggle for many years. Amidst all of the wonderful opportunities I've had, the gifts and talents I've inherited or learned, and the countless other experiences, I have almost always found some place to discredit myself or cite some "lacking" quality. At times, I've simply not wanted attention for accomplishments, and downplayed my role in those moments. I've always looked for the opportunities to use an ax on my results in order to bring the tree of goodness/success one-step closer to the sawmill. In a sense, I look to disempower myself.
Now here's the screwy thing. I would claim that I am 85% empowered for the sake of others, but 15% or less for myself. I strive to empower and serve others, but then ruin my self with the remainder. I know that I have to keep something for myself, but habits are tough to break. Especially the bad ones.
As I've continued to bring myself back to the practice of lovingkindness meditation, I have gone through a roller-coaster these past few weeks as I've sought to empower myself through meditation and reflection. I've attempted to engage with the "wisdom and compassion" that Brach says is our "essence," and I would say that I've had my fingertips on some of them for periods of time. I still have not grasped them tightly in palm as of yet. My meditation has been as follows...
May I be filled with love for others
May I be filled with love for myself
May I stand with strength and courage
May I live with compassion and vigor
May I be filled with love for myself
May I stand with strength and courage
May I live with compassion and vigor
One of the things that I'm looking most forward to in the coming Semester in the clinic is the opportunity to work closely with my supervisor and peers while working at the CFS on Tuesday nights. I honestly believe that one of the greatest struggles and greatest awakenings will occur as we all serve together in utilizing our knowledge and talents to serve those who come to the CFS in need. Without a doubt, I'm certain that I will be awakened to something greater inside of me, AND will have the opportunity to celebrate in community with those around me. It's frightening at times, but if my lovingkindness guide continues to incite power within me, I cannot be afraid of the results that will result.
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