Walking Meditation: The National Mall

I guess you could say I engaged in a "Bikram" form of meditative walking. 115 heat index should have done the trick.

Earlier this afternoon, my wife, her college roommate, and I made a trip into DC to do a little tour of some of the USA's finest museums and national monuments. After visiting the National Holocaust Memorial, the three of us decided to walk to the Washington Monument and onward to the Lincoln Memorial before making our way back to NOVA. I don't think I have experience an oven-like feeling as today's weather gave to our region, but I took it as an opportunity to mindfully incorporate it into the practice of meditative walking.

As my wife and her roommate caught up on life over the past 6 months, I took the opportunity to quietly walk the length of the National Mall about 5-6 paces in front of them, and to drink in my surroundings. Here's what I experienced...

- I was hot. My entire body tingled with the expulsion of sweat and the slight sunburn I got from being outside.

- I could hear things more clearly as I focused on bringing awareness to my senses. I could understand conversations of people walking by, my wife, and her roommate. I could smell the scent of cut grass around us, and of the hot dog stands nearby. I was also able to see small changes in the environment from squirrels and birds moving across the ground to minor details of people's faces and postures as I passed them. It seemed odd to notice all of these details as I walked, but also very profound. It seemed like nothing could get past me in the moment.

- As the walk continued, my thoughts began to move inward, and I began to follow lovingkindness meditation and compassion for myself and those who I passed along the way. At one point, my gaze connected with another person, and we exchanged a soft, smile. It was connection with no specific direction, but one that passed peace. It was refreshing, and it only furthered my continued reciting of compassion inside.

- Upon reaching the Lincoln Memorial, I took several moments to look across the National Mall toward the Capital and spoke thanksgiving for freedom. I had stood there time before, but a moment of meditation made the feeling stronger this time.

- Finally on the Metro returning home, I focused on breathing deeply for recovery and awareness of my physical being. I eventually felt grounded after 5-7 minutes, and felt relaxed for the remainder of the evening amidst the continued heat.

Although I abandoned my attempt at a Labyrinth walk on Friday due to the heat, this experience was too good to pass. I felt as if I needed to put greater effort in staying focused due to the heat, but an effort that paid-off with some great experiences.

Power

Have you ever been hard on yourself?
Have you ever not liked or appreciated who you are?
Do you doubt yourself?
Do you feel that you're never at your best?
Do you ever feel powerless?

I can answer my own questions.

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes.

Tara Brach says something incredibly profound within the brief timeframe allotted in the video. She says:

"Profoundness comes in the idea of one being empowered...it happens when we live in the fullness of what(who) we are."

Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought that the term "power" would have anything to do with the idea of it being in the form of one's self-awareness and acceptance. I only ever understood it in the terms of conquering, lording over, and in terms of quantitative research (Yep!). Brach's definition, however, makes incredible sense amidst the difficulty in digesting it at its rawest form.

The term "empowerment" has more often been used in terms of how one encourages/motivates/accepts some else. It's an action performed by one (or a community) on a single entity. But what if it was done for the individual by the individual? Using my mindfulness primed cortex now, I can see where the practices of compassion and lovingkindness become supports for this tenant. It's in lovingkindness meditation that we take on the difficult task of entering into ourselves to accept all that we are; the fullness of our being.

This action is extremely difficult for me. I'm not sure where it really began to take root, but it's been a struggle for many years. Amidst all of the wonderful opportunities I've had, the gifts and talents I've inherited or learned, and the countless other experiences, I have almost always found some place to discredit myself or cite some "lacking" quality. At times, I've simply not wanted attention for accomplishments, and downplayed my role in those moments. I've always looked for the opportunities to use an ax on my results in order to bring the tree of goodness/success one-step closer to the sawmill. In a sense, I look to disempower myself.

Now here's the screwy thing. I would claim that I am 85% empowered for the sake of others, but 15% or less for myself. I strive to empower and serve others, but then ruin my self with the remainder. I know that I have to keep something for myself, but habits are tough to break. Especially the bad ones.

As I've continued to bring myself back to the practice of lovingkindness meditation, I have gone through a roller-coaster these past few weeks as I've sought to empower myself through meditation and reflection. I've attempted to engage with the "wisdom and compassion" that Brach says is our "essence," and I would say that I've had my fingertips on some of them for periods of time. I still have not grasped them tightly in palm as of yet. My meditation has been as follows...

May I be filled with love for others
May I be filled with love for myself
May I stand with strength and courage
May I live with compassion and vigor

One of the things that I'm looking most forward to in the coming Semester in the clinic is the opportunity to work closely with my supervisor and peers while working at the CFS on Tuesday nights. I honestly believe that one of the greatest struggles and greatest awakenings will occur as we all serve together in utilizing our knowledge and talents to serve those who come to the CFS in need. Without a doubt, I'm certain that I will be awakened to something greater inside of me, AND will have the opportunity to celebrate in community with those around me. It's frightening at times, but if my lovingkindness guide continues to incite power within me, I cannot be afraid of the results that will result.

Living Room Labyrinth

If only my living room looked like this. It would be serene.

I decided to take the day-off from work in order to make an effort at rejuvenating my mind and body from the beating it took at work the previous three days. As part of that plan, I hoped to go and engage in a walking meditation at an outdoor labyrinth situated close to our apartment. What I didn't account for was the 112 degree heat index that happened to visit the area. A change of plans were put in order, but not a change in practice.

Instead of risking the heat outside, I decided to create my own rendition of a labyrinth within the confines of our apartment's living room. Now, the overall size of the labyrinth has to be at least 8-10x smaller than most externally located ones, but I was determined to make it work. I moved our coffee table and papasan chair to the furthest corner of the room, and began to construct the simplest and most basic labyrinth I could with the various books, CD's, and other items (e.g. dog toys, remotes, etc) that were available. And when I say simple, I do mean very simple. Even simpler than the image below.


The idea of the Labyrinth is based on a process of journeying inward toward awakening, followed by a return to the external world. My first experience of Labyrinth walking took place in 2005 while attending a youth workers convention. Within the confines of the convention center, organizers designated one of the main halls to be transformed into a room of awakening, prayer, and spiritual engagement. One of the guiding principles for the practice of Labyrinth walking at this conference was to use the bends of one's journey as a time to slow down before entering into a place of change. The experience was incredible, and I have been looking for the opportunity to re-engage with this practice.

This experience was much more difficult than other times mainly due to two reasons:

1) The area used for this walking meditation was incredibly too small
2) I was in an area familiar to me, thus causing an increase in distractions.

As I walked through my make-shift Labyrinth, I spent a great deal of time focused upon the cadence of my breath and the weight of each step. Due to the limited space, my turns inward toward the center occurred more rapidly than they would otherwise, and I found myself taking 2-3 steps before needing to make a turn. This was very difficult in the course of this meditative journey as I would have to be mindful of each time that I reached a turn. It felt as if each turn drew me out of the moment in order to begin a new one as opposed to the longer stretches of a full-sized labyrinth. All-in all, I spent approximately 15-20 minutes walking my Living Room Labyrinth, and probably navigated the space at least 12-15 times. In the end, it may have been more beneficial to do a straight line walking meditation in order to allow myself to engage deeper for longer periods of time, but the experience of a labyrinth was what I wanted. In order to expand practice following, I tried to be mindful in the movements and breathing of picking up the items I used in the construction of the labyrinth. This lasted for about 3-4 minutes before I got bored, and began quickly collecting everything so I could take care of a few other academic related tasks.

Using the Labyrinth Locator, I hope to find a labyrinth close to both home and to work that I can stop and participate in a time of contemplation. With the availability of this tool, I hope to be able to incorporate a practice that I found incredibly beneficial to myself, even if it was only from a single encounter more than 6 years ago. Not only will these local labyrinths be larger in size and more complex, they also won't have the issue of a dog reclaiming their possessions in the middle of one's journey inward.

Laughter Yoga

While I was working in Buffalo, NY prior to moving to NOVA, my employer began incorporating a monthly Laughter Club that was open to any staff wishing to attend. As part of an initial inservice on the concept of Laughter Yoga, many of the basic techniques shown in this video were performed and practiced by us. At first, I was skeptical of it, and tried to hold back the awkwardness of looking at another person and start laughing without any sort of joke, comedy, or other catalyst that would typically prompt laughter. None of those were needed. After about 3 minutes, I was laughing heartily from the contagious laughter that swept through the training. In all 35 people were genuinely laughing, allowing the stress of the day to float away before taking it with them on their commute home.

I reconnected with this concept of Laughter Yoga after reading a web-article using the practice in the treatment of Anger Management (for my EFFT Course). After reading about the different practices on the techniques, I looked for a video showing a session taking place. As I watched the video, I couldn't help but engage in laughter with it. It was incredibly playful and eccentric; two things that are often missed in our day-to-day routine. Out of all the practices, the "milk-shake" exercise had to be my favorite as it induced full-body movements and deep laughter. I've since bookmarked this video as a reference for many days where a hearty laugh is needed.

Looking at this from a neurological base, mirror neurons play an incredible role in the contagiousness of laughter. The study of mirror neurons crept into the field of study about 20 years ago, and have been a hot-topic ever since. These neurons are believed to be activated not only when an individual performs a certain action, but also when that same individual witnesses someone else performing that same action. Therefore, the neuron is fired by a "mirroring" of the action. In the field of Laughter Yoga, when one laughs it causes the neurons in someone else to fire, prompting them to laugh. Incredibly interesting. In addition, the clapping of hands during warm-up also serves to stimulate nerves and bring awakening to the body.

Where does this fit into mindfulness? I think the link with mindfulness practice comes in awakening one's senses to their experiences and in the alleviation of suffering. I know it's been said before, but mindfulness practice is not simply designated to sitting silently in solitude. It too can take on the form of moving raucously in community. Laughter Yoga may be a new form of mindfulness or a precursor to deeper mindfulness with the awakening of the senses. Whatever it is, I find it incredibly delightful, relaxing, and much needed in my life.

Ho Ho Ha Ha Ha!

Here are some additional videos and websites:

Discovery Health: "What is Laughter Yoga?"

Laughter Yoga International

Video Meditation #3: Deep Relaxation

After another crazy day at work with meetings, visitations, and follow-up from the previous day's events, I came home this evening with a hunger for deep relaxation, renewal, and guidance.

This video fit the bill for what I craved.

For whatever reason, I felt that I needed to retreat inwardly before being able to engage with any other task or person in order to have any sort of productive evening. Sitting on the futon where I have most often been doing my times of meditation, I closed my eyes and allowed the guide to speak through the recording. Ocean waves have always been a sound that has brought forth great comfort, but also have had the ability of leading me toward slumber. I sharpened my mind to not focus on the waves as the calming hush, but to tune into the point at which the sound builds the greatest in the wave. This kept me alert at the beginning of the session so that I could then focus upon the guide's words.

There was something very relaxing about the way the guide spoke. Maybe it was because his voice was behind the wave sounds and flute that made it less abrasive than other videos I've used? Maybe there was something simply within his voice? Maybe it was because it felt as if he was only speaking to me? The guide's voice allowed me to go deeper than what I've been able to do in the past few days, and it was much needed. His pattern of returning to the breath, and leading efforts toward pushing away thoughts in the mind were perfect for finding balance and refreshment.

Although the video was all of 10 minutes long, I was able to continue with the pattern of breathing and keeping unwanted thoughts from entering into this time. After a round of breathing, I did a body scan to find that the bottoms of my feet were extremely sore from the amount of walking, running, and moving that I did throughout the busy day. I moved my hands onto the bottoms of my feet and let the weight of my fingers rest on the arches. After a few moments, I moved my hands to my knees, which also took the brunt of the day's movement, focusing on the areas where tendinitis has wrecked havoc for the past 5 years. My hands remained in this position for the next 10 minutes as I focused on the life force that flows throughout my body. I had been told by a physical therapist years ago that the concept of "biofeedback" has been a practice that has aided individuals in the reduction of pain and increased recovery time. The practice is based on placing great amounts of focus and attention to areas where the injury is located in order to increase blood flow and to stimulate neurons linked to local cells. I always thought of it as a unique concept, but never put much faith in it. Today, was different. I remained in my position for 10 minutes focusing on my knees, and began to feel a tingling sensation in the area that I was focusing. By the end of that time, the edginess of the pain was less, and the length of time needed to ice them was less than usual.

Deep relaxation is a tough thing to achieve, in my opinion, but not impossible. It takes a genuine desire to want to stop everything, be in the moment, and allow oneself to essentially become "nonexistent" to the world surrounding them. For me, the sensation of deep relaxation is one that I need to come to about once or twice each month when everything around me has become too much, and the demands of life become too heavy. Thankfully, the practice of mindfulness has aided in the assistance of accepting and responding to daily occurrences that otherwise would cause me to shut-down and retreat out of fear, anger, or some other negative feeling. A combination of both these practices (daily mindfulness and periodic internal retreats) are proving to be a nice recipe for inner peace and external awareness.

On Suffering

This is the best example of my state-of-mind for this day.

Overwhelmed. Downcast. "Woe is me."

In order to simplify the story (and maintain the feeling), I can summarize it in five words. Here it goes...

I damaged a rental car.

There is nothing more dreadful than causing damage to a car that doesn't belong to you AND that is being paid for my someone else. When the event occurred, I was stunned. I couldn't believe that I did what I had been able to avoid for more than 12 years of driving: an accident. Disbelief, shame, anger, and fear all came as a fire-ball in the midst of the 96 degree heat, to bring me toward the greater challenge: continued suffering of the event within my mind.

For the remainder of the work day, I carried the weight of this event on my mind and in my body as I went from appointment to appointment. Even once I returned to the office, my coworkers tried their hand at reassuring me that this was "common" and that "everyone has at least one incident in their life." But not me. I'm different. I've had close calls before, and even drove in countries where I feared for the safety of the vehicle and myself, but this is ridiculous. My perfect driving streak ends on a clear day, a dry alleyway, and my failure to safely make a turn around a small rock wall. It's stupid, careless, and my fault. I did it to myself.

When I got home earlier this evening after talking to my wife, I began to feel a bit better once she began putting it into perspective. I wasn't hurt. No one else was involved. Damage was relatively minor. It was reported quickly. This made me feel a bit better, but I was still beating myself up about the fact that it happened. I was submitting myself to become a pin cushion filled with the primary and secondary darts of my mind. I was continuing to allow myself to hurt and suffer.

As I sit here now typing the experience of my day for your viewing pleasure, I must confess that I have since spent time in a time of breathing, stretching, and lovingkindness meditation. It was my sense of pride and an unforgiving part of me that was leading me to continually suffer, and I needed to forgive myself for my error. I was safe, healthy, and now needed to be at peace. For myself, pride is the part of my life that leads me to the most suffering. I hold great expectations for myself in all that I do, and I need to learn to take it all with a grain of salt and a bit of laughter. It's true that at some point in my life I would damage a car that I was driving or be in some sort of accident. This day is an opportunity to learn of my reactions, and how I can now be more mindful of how I respond. Hopefully, another experience like this will never have to happen. If it does, hopefully it's not in a rental car.

The next test will be in limiting the suffering once the bill arrives.

Merton: Breathing & Walking

I first became exposed to the writings of Thomas Merton while taking a course in Spiritual Disciplines during the Summer of 2004. As part of our coursework, each student was asked to read selections from practitioners of many historical figures in the arts of silence, solitude, prayer, fasting, and pilgrimage. Out of all of the writers I had the privilege to review, Merton was the one I found myself relating to the most. There was something about Merton's desire for solitude and to be in the presence of the God who gave him the desire to serve others, reflect on life, and to pray without ceasing that made his words addicting. No more than a week following the course, I promptly purchased two of his better known books ("The New Man"/"No Man is an Island"), and finished them within a couple of weeks. Merton's works rapidly became a part of my personal library.

There are two passages of Merton's work that have had a lasting effect on me. The first passage comes from the pages of his collection titled "Thoughts in Solitude." Starting with the words, "My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going...," it has become my life passage; an adopted summary of my journey. (*You can read it in its entirety here.) The second comes from a collection of Merton's prayers and drawings that he made during his time at the Abbey of Gethsemani.

"My God, I pray better to you by breathing.
I pray better to you by walking than by talking."

I find this quote to be incredibly relevant and vital to the current journey that I am on these days: Mindfulness. The art of breathing and walking are two of the practices that we utilized heavily during our retreat, but are also (in my opinion) the two most prevalent life/bodily tasks that we do every day. For Merton, they were essential parts of silence as neither required any form of rhetoric. They were the basic cadences of his life. They too, are mine.

The use of mindfulness practices, it seems, have often been associated with the idea of retreating and stepping away from the current pace of life that many find themselves in. Maybe it's due to being associated heavily with the art of meditation, which tends to be associated with this sort of withdrawal. But to me, mindfulness is much bigger and complex than the idea of meditation. It's about being present in our lives, wherever we are with whatever we're doing. It's designed to serve as an awareness of our life.

As I now begin the second-half of my journey into mindfulness, my approach will begin to shift toward the present acts of breathing and walking. More of my reflections will begin to take on my experiences with the world around me, as I encounter the world with my eyes open wider. Compassion and lovingkindness will continue to be major parts of this journey, but I will begin to explore through other practices such as labyrinth walking, yoga, and other forms. This idea of breathing and walking will also be used to help me expand the view of my experiences to full-day encounters as opposed to the single accounts that were found in the previous entries.

So as I step forth into these next two weeks, it is time for me to breath in deeply and take the first step. It is my hope and prayer that my journey will continue to be blessed, and that I will continue to have my practice enriched through my reflections, my experiences, and my gratitude for being able to live each day as a new gift to be unwrapped.