31 Down, A Lifetime To Go

The day has come. It is the end of my chronicled journey.

On the first of this month, I began this 31-day journey of capturing a month's worth of mindfulness experiences, reflections, and resources that have played a role in the development of my personal, professional, and academic life. These experiences ranged from times of silent meditation, YouTube videos, and various other media sources that became intertwined with the 44,640 minutes in the month of July 2011.

So what did I learn?

1) Mindfulness DOES have an impact on one's physical well-being
As I've engaged with the practices of mindfulness and meditation over the month, I found a slight difference in my overall physical state. This month in particular has been extremely stressful. This may be due to a combination of an altered work schedule, increased work demands, and heat, but my body took a significant beating, but was able to remain strong. Mindfulness practice provided me with tools necessary for ongoing evaluation of my state of being (body scan), and helped to institute moments of recovery and stress management (STOP). Without them, I may have crumbled under the pressure of everything taking place.

2) Calm, Ambient Music is key to my process of going deeper
I made several attempts throughout the course of the month to go longer in my meditation time frames (40+ minutes). I had made several efforts at it in silence, but had major difficulties with either falling asleep or becoming overly distracted by my thoughts. During the occasions that I utilized video/audio guidance, I was able to maintain a clearer conscious by incorporating a background stimuli to block out extraneous noises that would prompt the mind into questioning and exploration. Audio without guidance proved to be more beneficial than that with guidance as it allowed me to form my own personal guidance deep into the present moment of mindfulness. Ambient music and soft instrumental tones were the best.

3) Mindfulness is everywhere
It seemed that everywhere I turned, read, walked, breathed... the term "mindfulness" was present. At the very start of the month, I walked into a Barnes and Noble in the Clarendon area to make a quick scan of the psychology section for a book I'd been looking for. Though I didn't find the title I was looking for, I did come away with a count of 37 different titles using mindfulness as a basis of their work. Mindfulness is everywhere! It's presence in clinical research and studies is also growing, and has been an ever-present tool in the practices of substance abuse treatment, psychiatry, medical treatment, and family therapy.

4) Mindfulness will aid stress management, but won't eradicate it instantaneously
For whatever reason, I expected to have a significantly lower rate of stress during the course of the month. Although I did experience some reduced tendencies of stress related reactions in situations (i.e. traffic, sudden changes), my overall level of stress may have increased slightly over the month. My practice over the month revealed a great deal about my physiological reactions to stress, and I can say that I grew more in my level of acceptance of those moments, and in reducing the number of "2nd Darts" that I would allow myself to be impaled with. The amount of stress in my life during the past 31-days was a roller-coaster, but weren't as frightening, surprising, and painful as those of past month. Much of that was related to being aware of my body's reactions to the moments of rising stress.

5) Lovingkindness Meditation is a necessary prescription
I found myself returning to lovingkindness meditation on almost a daily basis for a sense of safety, health, and compassion. It was amazing to see how much my mind and body relaxed following 5-minutes of meditation. Although the scripts of recitation may have altered from time to time, the overall feeling of acceptance of myself was what mattered the most.

Although 31 days was all that I committed to reflect upon through this blog, my journey of mindfulness practice will continue onward. I learned a great deal about myself over the past 4-weeks and learned even more lessons than those conveyed above. As I now prepare to enter into work with the CFS in less than 3 weeks, I believe that I have included a vital trade that will not only be an asset to share with others during the course of therapy, it will be vital in the daily maintenance of my own life.

For that, I will be ever grateful.

"Life is Right Now" - Jon Kabat-Zinn

"Living in the moment is most difficult in the midst of life transitions. We are defined by our past, and yet we are heavily motivated by our future. The present is solely the bookmark or blank page before the next chapter in the story of life. It seems like there's nothing significant about it when we solely see it as a blank page, but it's necessary in the formation of a storyline. We have the option to either keep it blank or to color it with the images and experiences of the here and now."

This was a reflection that I had several years ago while in college during my senior year. The questions about "What are your plans?" and "What are your best memories of college?" were beginning to fly around. It became a struggle to enjoy the time remaining and absorb those moments in great detail. I wrote these words as a sort of confession of my feelings during those days.

After watching Zinn's video (above), it is amazing to think that we can rewire our brains to a form that can enhance our overall well-being and clarity of mind simply through the act of paying attention in the here and now. And the action of this clarity moves beyond the gray matter, but throughout the entire body. It's something that becomes a part of who we are, and a part of our essence.

Probably the biggest challenge that Zinn offers in the video is the concept that we have come to know ourselves as "Homo sapien sapien," that we are "aware that we are aware." Zinn challenges that notion, and I agree. I am an example of one who is unaware of their awareness. There have been countless times when I've done something without being aware of what I'm doing or the times when I've driven somewhere without realizing how I got there. I would consider myself a fairly attentive person, but not necessarily aware of all things. It's a challenge.

As I am now at the end of my chronicled mindfulness journey, I know that I am now challenged with allowing myself to engage and be engaged with the present in order to live. There's been too much of my life that I've missed because of being either focused on the past or the future. As I prepare to step into a new academic year, these are the days to begin a deeper journey of awareness and wellness. I believe that as I take the moments to be in the presence of my ever unfolding experiences, I will be enriched by them all, and gain clarity that will lead into future "present" experiences.

Nintendo Wii for Mindfulness?

I found this article this morning and found it extremely interesting.
You know it must be serious when Deepak Chopra is involved.

Article is below, but also check out the CNN Page.

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Deepak Chopra: How video games and tech can reduce stress

By John Gaudiosi, Special to CNN July 28, 2011 7:41 a.m. EDT | Filed under: Gaming & Gadgets

(CNN) -- For many people, video games conjure adrenalized scenes of gunning down enemy fighters or steering race cars at thumb-blistering speeds.

But mind-body guru Deepak Chopra has another idea: a serene, peaceful game he says can help people relieve stress and achieve inner harmony.

Chopra has spent the past three years designing "Leela," an interactive experience that aims to teach gamers how to achieve a peaceful and focused state of being using the ancient system of "chakras." The game, from publisher THQ and developer Curious Pictures, debuts in November and is marketed as "a journey into the self."

Created for Microsoft's Kinect system for Xbox 360 and Nintendo's Wii console, "Leela" -- it means "play" in Sanskrit -- incorporates 43 interactive exercises that focus on the body's seven energy centers, using Chopra's spiritual teachings and philosophies.

Gameplay focuses on moving one's body to interact with on-screen imagery, which is set to a relaxing soundtrack. Those who play with Kinect will use their arms, legs, hips, and head to perform meditative tasks, while Wii players will use the hand-held controller.

Some examples: One "root chakra" activity challenges players to move their hips from side to side to rotate cracks in a barren planet and unleash rain and sunlight. Another focuses on the "third-eye chakra" and requires gamers to rotate their head to follow a colored path through the game screen. As their head moves, so does the screen.

There are no scores kept in the game and players don't have to complete a level before moving from one challenge to the next. Chopra just wants people to interact with the game, whose themes correlates with his teachings.

In an interview for CNN, the bestselling author and alternative-medicine expert talks about the role video games will play in his work and how new technologies are enabling him to further enhance the mind-body experience.

What was it about video games as an art form that attracted you?

Video games are addictive and we all live in an addictive society. People are addicted to their BlackBerries. People are addicted to their computer. And kids -- and pretty clever adults, women included -- are addicted to video games, the ones that play them.

So I wanted to explore how you can use games to not only have a good time, but to increase that experience of flow and actually maximize your physical and mental capacity.

How did you create the gameplay experience that people will have in "Leela"?

I went to [developer] Curious Pictures in New York and I saw what they were doing in the movie industry, and they had some interest in video games. We had many brainstorming sessions. I used to go and see them almost every week, and we've done that for 2½ years. We spent that time seeing how we could make the game meaningful, but also playful. That's how we came up with the name Leela, which literally means "play."

What would you like to next explore in the interactive space?

I would like to take the video game to the next evolutionary level. In this particular video game, "Leela," we have monitoring of breath as one of the game experiences.

We have 43 games altogether, but there's one that gives you feedback on your breath. And that's the first time it's been done. It's required a lot of technology, and a lot of glitches had to be removed, but I think the next frontier is measuring heart rate variability, which is the most sensitive indicator of stress. It measures your parasympathetic to sympathetic nervous system response.

So that's coming soon, I'm sure. Galvanic skin resistance is coming soon, as well. And the best will be when we can monitor brain waves in a game.

What role do you see technology playing in helping people to improve their mental well-being?

I think the way technology is moving right now, we could probably, with a little deeper understanding, accelerate the evolution of the human brain within a few months [to equal] what might take hundreds of years of biological evolution.

Now, that's a very strange statement when you hear it for the first time. But the way technology is expanding right now, we're getting a better understanding of how experience shapes the anatomy of the brain, as well as all the neurons and neuroplasticity.

There's also genetic indeterminism, which means your genes turn on and off based on your life experiences, and all the work being done in quantum psychology. They're talking about things like you know how your emotions, your relationships, your sense of achievement, and your purpose of meaning in your daily life -- all this actually influences the way your body functions.

Technology is a new frontier, and I'm totally interested in being part of this movement.

Chopra on science, spirituality and superheroes

What are your thoughts on the evolution of technology within video games, as Wii has opened up motion-sensor gaming to Kinect for Xbox 360 and PlayStation Move?

I think it's great. You couldn't have hoped for such a fast evolution in the video game industry. There's so much room for creativity.

Did you play video games at all growing up?

I did not. I did become very interested in playing as you develop these games. I played "Flow," "Flower" and "Child of Eden," which are all interesting games that show what can be done creatively in this space.

What are your thoughts on the role video games play today in society?

We know that video games are more popular than motion pictures, so there's something happening. I think because they're interactive and they are much more fun than being a passive observer, we're going to see games evolve even more moving forward.

What's your favorite gadget?

I use a gizmo every night that monitors not only my brain waves, it monitors my dreams, it tells me how many hours I was in deep sleep and dream sleep. It records how many times I woke up, what the quality of my sleep was, the demographic I fall into, my age. All of this is already available.

What's that device called?

It's called Zeo. So you can go to Zeo.com. And you wear a little headband, and from about 5 to 10 feet away it can measure your brain waves.

What are you most excited about when it comes to the role technology will play in our future?

The way technology moves, it's doubling in its capacity every year. A long time ago I talked to Peter Guber, who used to be head of Columbia Pictures, and I was playing around with the idea of directing your dreams. Sometimes people have the most amazing dreams.

If you could not only learn to watch your dreams, but you could see that you can influence them and choreograph them and become the director and screenwriter of that, the implications would be amazing.

And if there was a video game to do that, "Wow, we would have a completely new way of storytelling." I want to be able to do that in a video game, but we'll see.

Mindfulness Articles: Psychology Today

I guess you can consider this a cop-out of doing a full posting and reflection today, but I feel that I need to address my level of compassion fatigue (see yesterday), and take some time out of the meditation practice for a day. The clean start for the final few days of this month-long journey may be for the best.

I did, however, want to post three articles from Psychology Today that I think are great examples of the usefulness of mindfulness. You can access each article by clicking on the title.

"Getting Grounded in Your Work Day: 5 Senses in 5 Minutes" by Brad Waters

"Forgive Yourself" by Rick Hanson

"6 Benefits of Practicing Mindfulness Outside of Meditation" by Toni Bernhard

Enjoy!

Compassion Fatigue

I'm tired, exhausted,wasted, worn-out, lacking, depleted, and downright exasperated.

I have nothing left to give.

I am empty.

These are some of the word/phrases that best illustrate the current state of my compassion externally and internally. Externally, it's been a rough two weeks of work. The compassion that I did have has been given out and returned in bad shape. The good graces that I offered to my clients at work took advantage of those moments, and let me down. My gusto to continue to give it out is severely wounded, and I have found myself loathing the necessity of getting out of bed.
This external compassion fatigue, I believe, is more common for those working in the social services field, relief and development, or in those who have given excessively toward recovery efforts (s.a. Hurricane Katrina, Haiti Earthquake, Japanese Quake/Tsunami). For those individuals, the use of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction are tools that have been found to help in the recovery process for such individuals experiencing this form of "trauma." (See here and here for a couple articles on the application of MBSR w/ Compassion Fatigue).

But what about internal compassion fatigue?
What if I'm fatigued with giving compassion to myself?

In an earlier post, I confessed to how I've consistently been tough on myself for the things that I do and the way that I live. As I've been trying to live now with the incorporation of lovingkindness meditation into the mix of my daily life, I've come to a few points where I haven't wanted to give compassion to myself. Instead, I've wanted to feel bad and inflict "suffering" onto myself because I've wanted to be in the moment, and be upset at others and myself. I want to have my own "pity party," and I want to feel sympathy from others.

I felt as if I hit my breaking point today with all aspects of compassion when I got in the car shaking from the work day. I was so overwhelmed and upset about events in the day that even the STOP technique wasn't helping me to gain perspective in the day. I had no compassion for anyone at that point, and no compassion for myself. I just wanted to feel bad in a way that would make (for some reason) the experience of being discontent more legit. Thinking about it a few hours later, I don't feel that it was good logic.

I guess my big question(s) that I'm working through right now is: "Does mindfulness allow for these moments of declining compassion to oneself? Are there times where personal suffering is considered excusable?"

I guess in a way, one can give compassion to themselves by saying that there is no "No Suffering" rule to create such a stringent approach. In a way, allowing oneself to suffer when they want would be considered OK. Yes? No? What do you think?

Whatever the case is, I feel that my battery needs to be recharged soon for the benefit of myself and others in the near future. Feeling this way is OK in some instances, but shouldn't be a common occurrence. That may turn into an overwhelmingly strong sense of suffering after some time.

STOP

I stumbled across this video during a search on YouTube at the start of the month, but logged it away in the bookmarked sites under "Favorites" for a later time. I re-discovered this snippet last evening before going to bed, and figured I would give it a shot throughout the notorious day of the week that is Monday.

The Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Workbook by Stahl and Goldstein is an adaptation of Jon Kabat-Zinn's principles for MBSR available for the general public to engage with. Since it's publication last year, the book has received excellent reviews for its access to life-altering (beneficial) exercises for what seems to follow most people: Stress.

The exercise in this video is quite simple, and is outlined by the acronym STOP.


Stop - Cease what it is that you currently doing.

Take a Breath - Focus on the breath. Monitor

Observe - What is going on in the body? What are you feeling? Come to an understanding/acceptance of where one is at the present moment.

Proceed - Move forward and engage with what it is that is most important for you at that moment.

As a refresher, I quickly watched the video again this morning before leaving for work at 6:45 in order to equip myself for the day. Fifteen minutes later, it was put to the test as I listened to the 12 voicemails that blew-up my mailbox since the 21st. It was during my commute, so I had to keep my eyes open in order to ensure my own safety and the well-being of everyone else around me. I stopped, took a breath, and observed my body. Even before crossing the DC city limits, I could sense the tension already building in my neck and shoulders as I squeezed the steering wheel from the rising stress inside of me. My feelings began to shift negatively toward myself.

"It wouldn't be this way if you hadn't taken Thursday off. What were you thinking?"

I quickly put those thoughts to rest, and informed myself that I couldn't do anything about it at this point, and that the opportunity to deal with the content of the messages would come once I was in the confines of the office. I retired the thoughts, and I proceeded onward in my commute.

There are too many other accounts within the day for me to list where I instituted the use of STOP. Way too many. It was in no way an easy day, and I came home exhausted. I can, however, attest to the fact that I did find this exercise to be beneficial in slowing down my day and allowing me to process experiences in a way that was more informed and clear. The observing step was probably the most vital because it's typically the one that most of us (including myself) skip the most in our decision making and experience processing routines. Emotional/Feeling awareness is one thing, but our physical body also holds a great deal of those emotions/feelings that are often missed.

Just the brief exposure to the MBST Workbook may prompt me to invest in the entire workbook. I believe it will not only be a useful tool for my personal use, but also for potential use with clients. I'll just make sure that I STOP before hitting the purchase button. My wife will probably encourage that.

Video Meditation #4: Deepak Chopra

There's something about Chopra's voice that makes one feel as if everything is going to be OK.

I piggy-backed these two videos together for an approximate "10-minute" meditation session, and found it deeply relaxing.

This will be a short post because I feel that the videos alone present a great amount of guidance that doesn't need much reflection.

One thought however...

"Mindfulness is the practice of observing oneself without judging yourself."

Out of the two videos, I found this single statement to be the most influential in directing the entire time of meditation.

It seems that the general direction of all of my mindfulness and meditation times have trended toward the general theme of compassion for the individual. Maybe, in a way, it's a message that I've needed the most in these past few weeks.

I am my worst critic, and I think the same tends to apply for every other individual. We have high-expectations for our lives, and when we don't believe that we are following our hopes and dreams, we lead ourselves toward some degree of self-destruction. We lack compassion and love to enable ourselves to be empowered by the acceptance of experience and being.

As I've continued in this journey the past 25 days, I cannot say that I have arrived at the place of no longer judging myself, but that I have softened it and laid compassion on myself. As long as I believe and accept my experiences as wonderful opportunities for awakening and accept them, my practice of mindfulness can only become richer each day. Today, I found some relief in accepting all that was within my day. They included my best moments and my worst, but they tell the story of my presence in this world today. I have the choice to judge my experiences and subject myself to suffering through the harsh criticism I would levy upon myself, or accept the experiences with compassion, and become awakened by presence and responses to them.

My desire is for the latter, and my journey is bringing me closer still.